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Diary of a Feline Grrrl Genius

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June 4th, 2005


10:46 am - My crazy little stepsister
Siouxie and Sinead, you two were right. My stepsister Velcro came upstairs to live indoors with us. I saw her through the screen a lot when she was an outside kitty, but I never knew that she would ever come inside.

She's got a shaved leg and what looks like a big owie. I hurt that same leg years ago, and I remember how scared and shaky I felt when I was recovering, so I've gone really easy on her. She hisses and yowls at me if I get too close.

I'm trying to feel out the situation, approaching her slowly and then quietly sitting down and not moving when I get to the edge of her comfort zone. I've been getting closer and closer, but she still yowls at me when I try to sniff her butt.

I want her to be my friend, and I want that now! I have plenty of virtues to recommend me, but patience is just not one of them.

(Worship Me)

May 24th, 2005


08:49 am - Something's up around here...
...and I'm not sure I like it. My mamas have been attentive as ever, but they still keep going downstairs and telling me I can't follow them. They come back smelling like somebody else, and they tell me that I'll meet my new little sister soon.

My feline friends, what do you make of this?

(5 tributes | Worship Me)

May 4th, 2005


11:49 am - Please help a kitty and a human in need!
I took a break from eating tuna and torturing Rascal because this is REALLY REALLY important!

slow_mo_panda has a cat, Loki, who's ill with feline urological syndrome and may have to go to the vet to have his bladder and system flushed out. But SlowMoPanda is on a fixed income (SSDI) and can't afford the treatment. If you have any money to spare, would you help out? Loki is very important to SlowMoPanda, and it's tragic that this cat may have to be put down because his human can't afford his veterinary treatment!

Read more here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/slow_mo_panda/476463.html

I just called Mama to the computer on this and she made a donation. If you have something to spare, please share it. If you don't, then make sure this message gets out to other people who can help.

This kitty deserves a chance.
Current Mood: determineddetermined

(1 tribute | Worship Me)

May 3rd, 2005


11:15 am - Birthday time!
I just had a birthday a couple days ago. I'm six years old, which is 36 in cat years. You all know what this means:

Ophelia for President!!!


I'm running on a platform of unlimited snuggles, and catnip and tuna for all. Join my campaign; you know you want to!

Anyway, I had a great birthday! Mama made me this amazing cake. There was an oceanfish pate type thing in the middle, and it had pieces of lox all around the outside. There was tuna on top, and the whole thing was drizzled with a bit of water from the tuna can. Deee-licious! I even decided to be generous and share it with Rascal. I also got so much nip it was crazy. Mama covered my scratch toy and my entire body in the stuff.

Ohhhhh yeahhhhh.

I had a major hangover yesterday, but it was all worth it!

(8 tributes | Worship Me)

April 24th, 2005


01:45 pm - Finally! Icons!
Well it's about frickin' time! Mama and Other Mama finally got me some icons. Now, after having this journal nearly two years, the world can finally see how utterly gorgeous I really am!
Current Mood: creativerock star!

(5 tributes | Worship Me)

March 28th, 2005


08:49 am - Zen and the art of human sabotage
Despite what my humans will tell you, I have classically perfect timing. I am the Grand Poobah of adorable sabotage, and I'm using it Right Now. I'm on the computer right now, and I'm on Mama's lap. She's pinned down and she can't go anywhere, because I'm online and unbearably adorable besides. There's no way she can resist!

Besides, too much Doing Stuff leads to her going Out. Out is Away From Me and therefore thoroughly unacceptable. Besides, she and Other Mama were away for *two whole weeks* not too long ago. How much Out do humans really need anyway? And is some place called Europe really more interesting than my adorable antics?

So, I'm trying to convince Mama that the fridge doesn't need cleaning. She can order food in. The gym won't cry if she doesn't go there. Outside is overrated. I've got her exactly where I want her. Besides, there are photos of me now from the humans' new digital camera, and if Mama's trapped at the computer she can make me icons...

It's all such a perfect little plan...
Current Mood: deviousdevious

(3 tributes | Worship Me)

December 28th, 2004


10:25 am - Grumpy! Pissy! Harumph!
Mama and Other Mama came home from their vacation last night. They were one day later than they said they would be and they didn't tell me. I mean, there's an answering machine in the kitchen and they could have called to let me know, but they didn't think of it until they got back.

They apologized and promised to call me in the future if they're not going to show up when they say they will.

Grumpy. Pissy. Ever so Not Pleased.

(Worship Me)

December 16th, 2004


01:26 pm - More people to love!
I didn't realize until last week that having two Mamas means having two Grammas! I've known my Gramma Alice since I was a tiny baby, and Mama had been single for so much of my life that I didn't realize it was possible to have two.

I met Gramma Maggie last week, and wow is she a sweetie! I had to check out her bags for good-smelling stuff, and to mark her as my own. She likes to sit on the couch and watch movies with both my mamas, so that gave me a good opportunity to jump up on her lap and sniff her. And she looks a lot like Other Mama, so it's easy to see that they go together.

I think I like this Making New Friends thing. It means more people to love.

Mama and Other Mama have been looking after Other Mama's ex's kitties, Rascal and Velcro. Velcro stays outside because she loves to hunt. I don't want her inside anyway because she's so whiny it hurts my ears. Her brother Rascal is a real kick, and we have a great time playing together.

So I guess that's as updatey as I'll be for a bit. It's all according to my mood, of course.

(Worship Me)

01:10 pm - If you can't teach 'em, join 'em
For the last five and a half years of my existence, I have tried to teach Mama and the other humans she's been living with more about my style of communication. I prefer to use meows and other vocalizations for punctuation, and I prefer the bulk of it to be delivered by a sophisticated system of body language.

Mama has a really crude grasp of this language. She gets about five signs, misinterprets about 10, and there are hundreds still that don't register in her human brain as communication.

It's frustrated me for years. So, instead of sulking in silence, I have resolved to learn to speak as much English as I possibly can. Now, my vocal chords and palate have trouble with certain consonants, so I've resolved to learn the key words that can get me what I want.

Besides, Mama and Other Mama think it's really cute when I talk the way they do. It gets me attention, and more often than not, I get what I want.

I've tripled my spoken vocabulary since moving to San Francisco. Fear me!
Current Mood: deviousdevious

(3 tributes | Worship Me)

October 27th, 2004


02:28 pm - Grrrraaaarrrr!
Humans! They think that they can rule the world with their vocal apparati designed for the English language and their opposable thumbs!

Last night, as I was trying to get a much-needed nap in bed with Mama and Other Mama, they were up late, giggling and singing sitcom theme songs.

Can't a cat rest in peace without hearing these truly cheesy songs?

I pounced Mama and tried to shove my head into her mouth to shut her up. I stuck my butt in Other Mama's face and farted. They kept going!

I spent the night on my couch. I don't care what Mama and Other Mama tell you. That purple velvety squishy couch is MINEALLMINE!!!

Humph, I say!
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed

(1 tribute | Worship Me)

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